My Little Jaime at week 37!

Finally…. we made it to week 37!

I’m just so thankful to God that we survived! I think it is really a miracle to go from week 30+2 to week 37 with 3cm dilation. My gynae was so sure that I will deliver early and baby is not going to make it to term. But we did it!

The last 7 weeks were not easy. Lying down daily and worrying constantly over the slightest blood stain, the slightest contraction & pain felt. I ate so much hoping that Jaime would put on some weight and then worried if I’m ever going to lose the extra weight I gained.

I pray all the time for her lungs & organs to be well developed, pray that her arms & limbs will be well formed, etc… Of course I also pray that she will be pretty & fair. Lately I pray that she will not have jaundice.

Then I nagged and nagged at my hubby to buy all the necessities for baby, to wash all the baby items and get her cot ready & all. I really tired him out. There were moments that we just got so frustrated with each other that we just don’t talk. But he is really a tremendous hubby & a great daddy! He is under so much stress, taking care of Jaelyn & me and putting up with my on-off nonsensical requests.

If you ask me now, I’m still not quite prepared for delivery yet but I really hope is anytime this week. I do not want to drag any longer. Hmm… shall see what my gynae will say at my next visit this coming Tuesday.

Picturing my boredom…

“I gave you one already…”

Lately conversation with Jaelyn has been rather interesting. She has grown so much and talking to her can be rather amusing.

Just the other day, Daddy bought Jaelyn a packet of marshmallows. As usual, she can’t wait another day before she opened up her treats and started munching… So I asked her, “Jaelyn, can I have one please?” She replied, “Ok!” and quickly pop one marshmallow into my mouth. After a while, I asked her again… “Can I have one please?” and her reply…

“Mummy, I gave you one already!”

My big baby is so cheeky!

Jaelyn turns 3!!!

Time really flies… My princess is already 3 years old!

I wanted to have a fun party for my princess but it’s difficult to do that this year given my situation. I feel sorry for my little girl. But I really tried my best. I’m thankful enough to be home for her special day. Hope she can understand.

This is the first time Jaelyn gets to celebrate her birthday in school! As her birthday falls exactly on the 2nd day of CNY, so we celebrated her birthday earlier on 31st Jan 2011. She chose the Baby Bop’s cake herself!

Of course, given her love for Disney Princess, you can imagine how she has been bugging me for a Princess birthday cake. Firstly, it’s hard to get one and secondly, seriously not much online baker will bake on the 2nd day of CNY. Anyway, I ordered Swensens' ice-cream cake with Disney Princess design for her on her actual birthday.

It was a very impromptu birthday celebration because I just made it home a week before this big day. We wanted to keep it small as I needed bed rest most of the time and can’t have a big group. We have both our families and a few close friends to celebrate her birthday on 4th Feb 2011, her actual birthday. She really loves her Princess cake! It was a small celebration  and she had a great time playing with her cousin, Gabriel and her favorite Auntie Grace and Auntie Fengyi.

I’m very grateful to our family members who make an effort to come celebrate with us for Jaelyn. And special thanks to Grace, Fengyi, Suzy, Chevy & Angela for popping by within such short notice. How can we live without family & friends?

My Little Jaime at Week 32

29 Jan 2011

Today  little Jaime is at week 32 and 6 days. Really thank God that we have come so far! Tomorrow is going to be week 33!!!

I was discharged from KK Hospital last Sunday. I didn’t request for it but the doctors just decided that I can go home and bed rest. Was given hospital leave till 31 Jan 11 and I need to go back for follow up on that same day.

I was rather nervous to get home. After all the scary possibilities of delivering early, not making to hospital in time… now I’m home. No daily CTG done, no hospital care got me a  bit worried with the “what ifs”.  Nonetheless, I feel that in time like this, all I can is really to trust God.

Went to see my private gynae on Tuesday. He read through my discharge report and still insisted that I was dilated 3cm and he said I don’t even have that cervical length anymore. (A even more depressing thing to hear).

Got home rather worried, then I decided that I am not going to trust all the different things I heard from the different doctors. I am just going to pray and trust God. That makes things so much easier. Its easier to have faith in God than to have faith in doctors!

Anyway, I’m still praying and believing that Jaime & I are going to make it! I don’t like the idea of delivering at week 34. I’m going for at least a week 37, even if its 00:00 on 1 March 2011. I’m so going to want Jaime to be a March baby, a little “Rabbit”!

I’m very touch by all the kind gestures shown to me by all my friends during this period of time. A friend in need is a friend indeed. I’m so touched by the love showered and grateful to know I have so many friends around me. You guys show me how real God is and keep my faith going. God is really so real and so good!

Now I live everyday day knowing it’s a day of hope and everyday passed is a day gained, a day blessed!!!

My little Jaime at Week 31

20 Jan 2011

Finally got connected to Wireless@SG!

Was transferred to the Class C ward on Sunday…. Initially I was really holding back my tears… I mean I have not stayed in anything lesser than a B ward. This is the first time. When I saw the ceiling fan, I almost fainted… But thank God, its not so bad after all and I’m already here for 5 days!

Today Jaime is 31 weeks and 4 days old. Wow… Previously I count my pregnancy by weeks, now I count by days…

Just a brief update. Doctors are keeping me here because of the short cervical length. They are going to update me about chance of going home on a daily basis, at least until baby is 34 weeks old. Their basis is that I might deliver at home and not make it in time to the hospital if the labor kicks in due to my current condition and plus this is a second pregnancy, which is usually faster. Doctor said I must have very low threshold for pain to quickly make it to the hospital upon the first labor pain. But the problem is, I can’t even tell a contraction! For my first pregnancy, I delivered within 5 hours, which is very fast already! So this one might be even faster! OH man!!! So they will keep me here at least until week 34.

Anyway, I did an ultrasound cervical scan again yesterday. This time round the cervical length is 1.4cm (compared to previously 0.7 to 0.9cm). I’m really happy! It’s like a miracle to me. I was just praying to God before the scan that it might seems silly but if I can think of it, God can do exceedingly abundantly above what I ask or imagine. So I asked God to lengthen the cervical length! Haha… and true enough the length improves. The sonographer explained to me that the cervix is very dynamic, it contracts and expands. So if there is no contraction, the cervical length might actually loosen a bit. Anyway, let’s just hope it will be better and better and who knows? I might be able to go home after week 34 and have a chance to deliver in a private hospital??? (Hope!)

I really hope that I can at least deliver at a private hospital. Firstly, I think it’s not comfortable to be at a C ward after delivery. Secondly, government hospitals give the BCG at the left hand while private give it at the buttock (nicer for girl). Thirdly, I also realized the people here are wheeled back to the bed in a wheelchair after delivery. I really feel “OUCH” for them. I mean I was wheeled to my ward in a bed after delivering Jaelyn. I cannot imagine getting off the delivery bed to get into the wheelchair and then from the wheelchair back to the bed again after delivery. Oh man, we are so pampered in our private hospital. Lastly, I’ve seen too many mothers bottle feed their babies here. I don’t really like it. I want to breastfeed my baby as soon as possible after the delivery.

But anyway, whether to deliver at which hospital also depends on when Jaime is coming out. Will I be stable enough to discharge after week 34 and then make it to a private hospital for delivery. And also I’m not sure if my stay at KK till then would have depleted my Medisave.

Well, putting all the “whether anot” and “what ifs”, I just want to keep having faith to believe for the best!

And I want to thank all my family and friends who make time to visit me and keep me company during this long hospital stay. You guys make a difference in my life! Love you so much!

My Little Jaime at Week 30

15 Jan 2011, Saturday. I’m currently at KKH, Ward C32 Bed 16. Today is the 4th-5th day that I was admitted in the hospital.

On the 11 January 2011 (1.1.11 what a beautiful date), I went to my gynae for an unscheduled appointment as I have some blood stain and stomach pain. My intention was to just get a peace of mind as I did not suspect anything is wrong with me.

My gynae did a fast ultrasound scan and confirm that baby is doing fine and then did a virginal examination. Then he gave me a serious look and said, “Your cervix is open about 3cm, you got to be admitted right now!” I was in a state of shock! I’m only 30 weeks into my pregnancy. Little Jaime is not due till 20 March 2011.

He explained that I might have pre term labor. I got to quickly get to the hospital to stop/delay the labor and might need to stay warded for a month or 2. “Either you stay or the baby stay,” he said. He advised us to go KK, get the C ward and stay to delay the labor for as long as possible.

We rushed to KKH, totally not sure what to expect. Went to the woman 24 hours clinic, told the nurse I’m 30 weeks pregnant and in pain, suspect I’m in labor. I was put on the CTG to monitor baby’s heartbeat and my contraction. After about an hour, the doctor came and did some swap tests and said negative for water leak and pre term labor. Should be fine, admit for a night for observation. I was confused with the different report but hoping for the best.

Jaelyn was in a huge stage of shock that night. She didn’t have her dinner and my mum brought her to stay overnight at her house that day.

I felt really sad, this is so unexpected! There’s so many things I have planned to do before Jaime’s arrival. I’ve planned to take leave on the 1st Feb to celebrate in advance Jaelyn’s birthday in her school, then bring her for her first mani pedi. I ordered a Mommy and Me set dresses for us to wear on CNY and even planning to have a small birthday party for her on her actual birthday (which happens to be the 2nd day of CNY). Then thoughts like I have not taken out the baby’s clothes to wash, not yet descale the sterilizer, not yet cleared the baby cot and have not bought Jaime a new set of clothes to welcome her home. Tears kept flowing out of my eyes.

The next day, 12 Jan 2011, I was scheduled to go for ultrasound scan to check baby’s growth. I went for the scan at 11.30am and baby’s growth is normal. When I’m back to the ward for lunch, the nurse came and said doctor has arranged for me to go for a cervical scan at 2.30pm. This time round, the sonographer did not want to tell us the result. She said your doctor will explain to you.

Back to the ward, no news whatsoever. Doctor didn’t come. We waited till evening and finally asked the nurse when is the doctor coming. “Oh, the doctors here do their round only once a day at 7am, so they won’t come by till tomorrow.” She read my cervical scan and told me that the cervical length is short, so wait for doctor’s advise.

Cannot go home again… That night, Jaelyn came and when she was about to leave, her eyes filled with tears. “Mummy, you not going home with me? Why you want to sleep in the hospital?” My heart aches for what my princess is going through. 2nd night without mummy. 

13 Jan 2011, I woke up early to wait for the doctor to make his/her round. ( I stayed in a subsidized ward, not allow to choose doctor, will be attended by any doctor on duty) A nice lady doctor came by, explained to me that my cervical length is short so they need to give me 2 injections to help mature baby’s lungs so that baby can breathe better in case of a pre term labor. The injections have to be taken 12 hours apart – meaning cannot go home again.

After the doctor left, I cried. I’m not prepared for this at all. I have always thought Jaime will deliver on week 38, just like Jaelyn. I planned everything up to week 38. I told myself, Jaime will come out only week 38.

At 10am, the senior staff nurse came to give the first injection. She warned that it’s going to be very painful and IT IS!!! I almost wanted to scream my lungs out. That really causes me fear for the next jab at 10pm.

Jaelyn came in the evening to visit. I miss her so much! Both Vincent and I decided that she should get back to her normal routine and goes back to school. I wanted as little disruption in her routine as possible. I really feel for her, that she has to go through transition again and this one is so sudden that I cannot prepare her for.

Taken the 2nd jab at 10.25pm. Pain until I wanted to cry.

14 Jan 2011. TGIF. The doctor came, explained to me that cervical length is short and cervix is open so not keen to let me discharge. Ask me to stay to monitor.

My senior pastor – PASTOR KONG HEE came to pray for me! I felt so touched! Both me and baby Jaime is greatly blessed! Vincent and I felt so loved by the church, and God is really really good to us.

My bosses came to visit me and one of Henghwie’s cousin is a gynae here so he said he will drop by the next day to take a look.

15 Jan 2011. Dr. Wong came and explained to me my situation. It’s not pregnancy complication but more of a pre term labor condition. He thought can discharge me if its just the cervix open but realized that my cervical length is really short (0.7 to 0.9cm compared to average of 2cm). He too feel is better to monitor for a while and see if the cervix lining stop thinning before discharging me for home rest. He said best is to hold through week 34 at least but they really can’t tell where am I heading from here. It’s unpredictable and the risk is there.

I really miss my Jaelyn but at the same time I cannot risk Jaime.

God, I pray that you keep Jaime in until week 38. Everything is in Your control. In you, we are so ALIVE!

 

2010 a year of transitions

Jaelyn is taking her nap & I’ve decided to steal some time off to do a quick blog entry…

Time really shows no mercy, in a blink of an eye, we are now approaching the end of 2010 in just a month time.

Looking back, 2010 has really been an adventurous year, almost too overwhelming for me.

My life took a great turning point in April 2010. I left a comfortable job to pursue for something more. It changes every course of my journey. I took two months to finally get a new job. Not exactly what I wanted (I wanted to work in the town area but ended up in an industrial area) but it was an experience of a lifetime. I’m got the position of an Accountant in a local listed company. On my first week of work, to my horror of horror, the turnover in this company was worst than audit firm. Then I realised this company pays miserable variable bonus, which I finally understood why the HR refused to comment on this when I asked. Besides that, the processes in this company was shockingly backward. I was so traumatized by the fact that I have to manually sign off hundreds of journals and the proposal to make a self inking stamp was rejected because it costs slightly more than $20. OMG!

I really would have left to find a better job if not for the second major change that took place in my life. For the past 1 year, we have been trying for no.2 but no avail. We kind of aborted the idea when I quitted my job in April. We didn’t give much thought to it and really, without any effort at all. Then to our great surprise, we hit the jackpot with one strike.

Following this was the suffering of morning sickness… It was tough! Tougher this round when I still have to take care of my active two year old!

So, I hang on to my job, counting down to my delivery every single day.

After I passed the first trimester, we decided it’s time for Jaelyn to start school, which was postponed from June to September due to me switching job.

It wasn’t easy getting her to adapt to school. I remembered on  the third day of school, I literately cry my way home because I felt so heart pain to see her crying when I left. I couldn’t stay long with her in the school because I was feeling nauseous all the time. It was really a struggle for her and for us. Initially we allowed her to stay over at my mum’s place every weekend. But it turned out that she will cry and wail and refused to come home because she doesn’t want to go school. ARgh… Sorry mum, but I have to stop her from staying over if I really want her to adapt to school fast.

It took us slightly more than 2 weeks for Jaelyn to adapt to school, though she will still cry in the morning when I drop her off every morning. We were glad to send her to school. Her English improved and she can express herself so much more these days. Almost find her too talkative at times.

My hubby went through a rough patch too. Supposed to start a new higher paying job in October, just to find out one week before the start date that the whole plan did not progress as it should be. Nevertheless, we are glad that he still holds a job though there was no increment and his workplace has moved further from Punggol.

So now, we battle everyday to come home early. Hubby got to reach home by 6pm to fetch my girl and I tried to reach home before 7pm to have dinner together.

It was tiring….

With the anticipation of another new family member means more things to think about and more finances needed.

Seriously do not know how to handle when no.2 comes along, the sending and fetching of kids, blah blah blah..

It is really a year full of transitions for us. Above all, I just really want to be thankful to God for giving me strength to last each day, to face the many challenges along the way. And I really miss my church friends.

Finally, to end it off, everything is worth it when I see my darling smiles! I wouldn’t exchange this for anything in the world. I love my family!