Love of my Life

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Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Little Jaime at Week 32

29 Jan 2011

Today  little Jaime is at week 32 and 6 days. Really thank God that we have come so far! Tomorrow is going to be week 33!!!

I was discharged from KK Hospital last Sunday. I didn’t request for it but the doctors just decided that I can go home and bed rest. Was given hospital leave till 31 Jan 11 and I need to go back for follow up on that same day.

I was rather nervous to get home. After all the scary possibilities of delivering early, not making to hospital in time… now I’m home. No daily CTG done, no hospital care got me a  bit worried with the “what ifs”.  Nonetheless, I feel that in time like this, all I can is really to trust God.

Went to see my private gynae on Tuesday. He read through my discharge report and still insisted that I was dilated 3cm and he said I don’t even have that cervical length anymore. (A even more depressing thing to hear).

Got home rather worried, then I decided that I am not going to trust all the different things I heard from the different doctors. I am just going to pray and trust God. That makes things so much easier. Its easier to have faith in God than to have faith in doctors!

Anyway, I’m still praying and believing that Jaime & I are going to make it! I don’t like the idea of delivering at week 34. I’m going for at least a week 37, even if its 00:00 on 1 March 2011. I’m so going to want Jaime to be a March baby, a little “Rabbit”!

I’m very touch by all the kind gestures shown to me by all my friends during this period of time. A friend in need is a friend indeed. I’m so touched by the love showered and grateful to know I have so many friends around me. You guys show me how real God is and keep my faith going. God is really so real and so good!

Now I live everyday day knowing it’s a day of hope and everyday passed is a day gained, a day blessed!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

My little Jaime at Week 31

20 Jan 2011

Finally got connected to Wireless@SG!

Was transferred to the Class C ward on Sunday…. Initially I was really holding back my tears… I mean I have not stayed in anything lesser than a B ward. This is the first time. When I saw the ceiling fan, I almost fainted… But thank God, its not so bad after all and I’m already here for 5 days!

Today Jaime is 31 weeks and 4 days old. Wow… Previously I count my pregnancy by weeks, now I count by days…

Just a brief update. Doctors are keeping me here because of the short cervical length. They are going to update me about chance of going home on a daily basis, at least until baby is 34 weeks old. Their basis is that I might deliver at home and not make it in time to the hospital if the labor kicks in due to my current condition and plus this is a second pregnancy, which is usually faster. Doctor said I must have very low threshold for pain to quickly make it to the hospital upon the first labor pain. But the problem is, I can’t even tell a contraction! For my first pregnancy, I delivered within 5 hours, which is very fast already! So this one might be even faster! OH man!!! So they will keep me here at least until week 34.

Anyway, I did an ultrasound cervical scan again yesterday. This time round the cervical length is 1.4cm (compared to previously 0.7 to 0.9cm). I’m really happy! It’s like a miracle to me. I was just praying to God before the scan that it might seems silly but if I can think of it, God can do exceedingly abundantly above what I ask or imagine. So I asked God to lengthen the cervical length! Haha… and true enough the length improves. The sonographer explained to me that the cervix is very dynamic, it contracts and expands. So if there is no contraction, the cervical length might actually loosen a bit. Anyway, let’s just hope it will be better and better and who knows? I might be able to go home after week 34 and have a chance to deliver in a private hospital??? (Hope!)

I really hope that I can at least deliver at a private hospital. Firstly, I think it’s not comfortable to be at a C ward after delivery. Secondly, government hospitals give the BCG at the left hand while private give it at the buttock (nicer for girl). Thirdly, I also realized the people here are wheeled back to the bed in a wheelchair after delivery. I really feel “OUCH” for them. I mean I was wheeled to my ward in a bed after delivering Jaelyn. I cannot imagine getting off the delivery bed to get into the wheelchair and then from the wheelchair back to the bed again after delivery. Oh man, we are so pampered in our private hospital. Lastly, I’ve seen too many mothers bottle feed their babies here. I don’t really like it. I want to breastfeed my baby as soon as possible after the delivery.

But anyway, whether to deliver at which hospital also depends on when Jaime is coming out. Will I be stable enough to discharge after week 34 and then make it to a private hospital for delivery. And also I’m not sure if my stay at KK till then would have depleted my Medisave.

Well, putting all the “whether anot” and “what ifs”, I just want to keep having faith to believe for the best!

And I want to thank all my family and friends who make time to visit me and keep me company during this long hospital stay. You guys make a difference in my life! Love you so much!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

My Little Jaime at Week 30

15 Jan 2011, Saturday. I’m currently at KKH, Ward C32 Bed 16. Today is the 4th-5th day that I was admitted in the hospital.

On the 11 January 2011 (1.1.11 what a beautiful date), I went to my gynae for an unscheduled appointment as I have some blood stain and stomach pain. My intention was to just get a peace of mind as I did not suspect anything is wrong with me.

My gynae did a fast ultrasound scan and confirm that baby is doing fine and then did a virginal examination. Then he gave me a serious look and said, “Your cervix is open about 3cm, you got to be admitted right now!” I was in a state of shock! I’m only 30 weeks into my pregnancy. Little Jaime is not due till 20 March 2011.

He explained that I might have pre term labor. I got to quickly get to the hospital to stop/delay the labor and might need to stay warded for a month or 2. “Either you stay or the baby stay,” he said. He advised us to go KK, get the C ward and stay to delay the labor for as long as possible.

We rushed to KKH, totally not sure what to expect. Went to the woman 24 hours clinic, told the nurse I’m 30 weeks pregnant and in pain, suspect I’m in labor. I was put on the CTG to monitor baby’s heartbeat and my contraction. After about an hour, the doctor came and did some swap tests and said negative for water leak and pre term labor. Should be fine, admit for a night for observation. I was confused with the different report but hoping for the best.

Jaelyn was in a huge stage of shock that night. She didn’t have her dinner and my mum brought her to stay overnight at her house that day.

I felt really sad, this is so unexpected! There’s so many things I have planned to do before Jaime’s arrival. I’ve planned to take leave on the 1st Feb to celebrate in advance Jaelyn’s birthday in her school, then bring her for her first mani pedi. I ordered a Mommy and Me set dresses for us to wear on CNY and even planning to have a small birthday party for her on her actual birthday (which happens to be the 2nd day of CNY). Then thoughts like I have not taken out the baby’s clothes to wash, not yet descale the sterilizer, not yet cleared the baby cot and have not bought Jaime a new set of clothes to welcome her home. Tears kept flowing out of my eyes.

The next day, 12 Jan 2011, I was scheduled to go for ultrasound scan to check baby’s growth. I went for the scan at 11.30am and baby’s growth is normal. When I’m back to the ward for lunch, the nurse came and said doctor has arranged for me to go for a cervical scan at 2.30pm. This time round, the sonographer did not want to tell us the result. She said your doctor will explain to you.

Back to the ward, no news whatsoever. Doctor didn’t come. We waited till evening and finally asked the nurse when is the doctor coming. “Oh, the doctors here do their round only once a day at 7am, so they won’t come by till tomorrow.” She read my cervical scan and told me that the cervical length is short, so wait for doctor’s advise.

Cannot go home again… That night, Jaelyn came and when she was about to leave, her eyes filled with tears. “Mummy, you not going home with me? Why you want to sleep in the hospital?” My heart aches for what my princess is going through. 2nd night without mummy. 

13 Jan 2011, I woke up early to wait for the doctor to make his/her round. ( I stayed in a subsidized ward, not allow to choose doctor, will be attended by any doctor on duty) A nice lady doctor came by, explained to me that my cervical length is short so they need to give me 2 injections to help mature baby’s lungs so that baby can breathe better in case of a pre term labor. The injections have to be taken 12 hours apart – meaning cannot go home again.

After the doctor left, I cried. I’m not prepared for this at all. I have always thought Jaime will deliver on week 38, just like Jaelyn. I planned everything up to week 38. I told myself, Jaime will come out only week 38.

At 10am, the senior staff nurse came to give the first injection. She warned that it’s going to be very painful and IT IS!!! I almost wanted to scream my lungs out. That really causes me fear for the next jab at 10pm.

Jaelyn came in the evening to visit. I miss her so much! Both Vincent and I decided that she should get back to her normal routine and goes back to school. I wanted as little disruption in her routine as possible. I really feel for her, that she has to go through transition again and this one is so sudden that I cannot prepare her for.

Taken the 2nd jab at 10.25pm. Pain until I wanted to cry.

14 Jan 2011. TGIF. The doctor came, explained to me that cervical length is short and cervix is open so not keen to let me discharge. Ask me to stay to monitor.

My senior pastor – PASTOR KONG HEE came to pray for me! I felt so touched! Both me and baby Jaime is greatly blessed! Vincent and I felt so loved by the church, and God is really really good to us.

My bosses came to visit me and one of Henghwie’s cousin is a gynae here so he said he will drop by the next day to take a look.

15 Jan 2011. Dr. Wong came and explained to me my situation. It’s not pregnancy complication but more of a pre term labor condition. He thought can discharge me if its just the cervix open but realized that my cervical length is really short (0.7 to 0.9cm compared to average of 2cm). He too feel is better to monitor for a while and see if the cervix lining stop thinning before discharging me for home rest. He said best is to hold through week 34 at least but they really can’t tell where am I heading from here. It’s unpredictable and the risk is there.

I really miss my Jaelyn but at the same time I cannot risk Jaime.

God, I pray that you keep Jaime in until week 38. Everything is in Your control. In you, we are so ALIVE!


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